leaving my childhood behind.

In honesty i have always been late, subconsiously clinging on to whatever it was to be clinged on to. maybe this isnt true in the bigger picture but you cant help copare to peers at school it seemed everyone grew up or wanted to grow up so fast, like childhood is only a period to be patient through like a waiting game where you practise being an adult untill you someday somehow become one. imagination was dropped early as a distastful indicator of youth and the game to play was always prepare to get a carrear a morgage and kids, kids waiting to have kids. On moving to London the game became enhanced it became act like an adult and be somebody whilst doing it, the only break was getting inebriated on liquer powder and bass lines. At this point an anxoiusness arises where because you at 18 are still a child but now have to shed it and emerge as adult and the definition of adult becoming an aroused sence of pointless small talk an isolation through choice and a boring addiction to what other adults do.. work sleep work talk about other peoples lives and so on. I hang on and still hanging on to trying to ease myself into adulthood, this caused a great anxiousness inside of me something i centered myself around and became for a while but now i think i may have realised that you can still center yourself around an innerchild, go for it and ask it what it wants, how it would do something? a blend of accepting the responsibilty of adultness and still core touch of youth. I morn my real childhood now i think constantly i long for warmth of home and sercurity of parents nearby. Ive been thinking of where my artwork comes from because to look at my sculptures or painting etc their is an adult saphistication to them the poses the subtle carved contemplative pure faces but they are sturated in childish marks, the exagerated limbs the enterptated hands the fact that all the pieces that connect can be played with, the child alays wants to change something, to create something even with the most basic of things. The sculptures are in essence toys like the wrestlers or teenage mutant ninja turtles or ghostbuster toys id play with for years. These toys im creating are grown up not like the vinyl 'collectors toys' that you see for sale as they come from adults pretending to be children. Capturing that period in between child and adult in presence that essence of change i think makes these sculptures special its a rare bleeting moment in life not many people are concious of, they may call it 'teenage years' but teenager is a term though up in the last 60 years of our 10 million year history as humans, no becoming an adult is much deeper than that. im sorry for the spelling mistakes it was an instant stream of thought i needed to get down, will correct later. henry.